Developing Spiritual Intimacy

What comes to your mind when you think of spiritual intimacy in your marriage?

Is spiritual intimacy a couple praying together?  Having devotions together or going to church?  It is not unusual to hear a wife say in a counseling session, that she deeply wishes to have spiritual oneness with her husband.  She would love for him to pray with her and have devotions together.

Many couples feel that spiritual intimacy is the result of a couple walking close to God where they have little conflict and they do not struggle.  The truth is that spiritual intimacy is the result of each partner knowing and experiencing the resources and sufficiency of Christ in such a way that it frees them to pursue life together as to God’s purpose for them.

Spiritual intimacy is not so much what we do, as it is, how we relate.   Spiritual intimacy is the result of pursuing God that allows us to face what is true about ourselves and our partner and how we struggle against the curse.

Spiritual intimacy is our willingness to be exposed to our selfishness, fears, inadequacies, and how we are affected as husbands or wives by the fall.

Some couples are willing to read the Bible and pray together, but they are fearful and unwilling to ask the hard questions about how they are relating to each other and pursuing deeper intimacy.

Spiritual intimacy should cause us to go to the Word of God with an open heart that allows the Holy Spirit to ask the hard questions about how we are growing in love, faith and patience together.

We often have the tendency to read God’s Word and pray but not examine the way we treat each other.  We should not only be reading the Bible but we should be acting on it.  Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other.  Act on what you hear!  James 1:22 – The Message.

What is required for spiritual intimacy?  Simply put, a willingness to examine my heart in light of scripture to take ownership of how  I profoundly fail at loving well and to be willing to act on trusting God as I change my heart to pursue loving my partner, whatever it takes.  If we are not willing to do this, there cannot be spiritual intimacy.

What will spiritual intimacy look like?  Spiritual intimacy will allow us to do two things:

First, as a couple we will want to come to the Word of God with open hearts to read it and to allow it to shed light on our relationship.

Second, we will come before the throne of God in prayer.  Prayer allows us to be naked before God who sees our hearts and verbalize our struggles and our need for Him.  Prayer is acknowledging our dependence on Him and asking that His will be done and not ours.

How do you begin?  There is no better time to make a commitment to spiritual intimacy than right now.  Perhaps you and your partner can talk with each other and ask the tough question, “Are we going through the actions, or are we truly moving toward spiritual intimacy?”  Don’t settle for just reading a quick devotional and a rote prayer.  Set aside a time once a week to enter God’s Word together.  Each day take a few moments to pray with each other, asking God to deepen your relationship.